LETTERS FROM MR. EASLEY

Letter No. 109: Mike Jones

Dear Mike Jones,

I begin this letter not knowing if you’re even alive, completely aside from any potential homelessness or destitute state you might be in and resulting problems of mailing addresses etc. that might ensue once I finish writing this letter. In all honesty I wouldn’t be the person to ask as to your condition but for the time being as feel like you’re an apt recipient for my thoughts at the moment I shall digress.

I used to think Mike Jones was degenerate, and he probably is but it goes without saying he is a visionary. A horrific rapper and entertainer who’s gimmicks seemed endless. From repeating lines over and over to giving away your actual phone number in song, you seemingly lacked any skill at all was simply a promotional machine geared to rap. You’d have potentially made a great used car sales man or swap meet promotional personality. You may in fact be pursuing either as I write. I say this because it seems only through God’s graces have you stopped rapping and figuratively fallen off the face of the Earth. Whereabouts unknown.

I’m honestly curious as to why you repeated the your lines over and over. Is it simply an artist gesture of emphasis or born out of overt laziness. We may never know. Additionally, I have to imagine you no longer have the phone number you gave out, and probably forever ruined. It’s not like anyone can have it ever again. Asshole teenagers with more free-time than sense from all over suburban white America must prank call that number in an unknowingly joint effort non-stop. 

However after essentially ridiculing you for essentially three paragraphs, you do have one note worthy statement that proves all to true. Back then hoes didn’t want me, Now I’m hot they all on me. Brilliant. Aside from a number of grammatical errors that many in higher education would chalk up to what’s known as American Ebonic vernacular, it’s bold statement that I personally have found bears a great deal of truth. 

I first wonder if you were actually hot when you came up with these words, and if that has an relevance, but regardless for myself it mostly relates to my work doing test shoots with models. Back as early as April I began test shooting models and to be quite honest in the beginning serious agency represented models wouldn’t give me the time of day, let alone shoot with me. And here we are less than five months later and just today alone I’ve received contact from models interested in shooting with me from agencies like Ford, Wilhelmina, Q Models, Next, and Major. By the beginning of September I probably won’t shoot with any model not represented by a major agency unless they’ve agreed to blow me before and after shooting. To say your timeless catch phrase would be such bold statement of the obvious it’s borderline retarded, but that being said nothing could be more true.

Sincerely,

Mr. Chandler Easley

603 W. 115th St. #177
New York, NY 10025